it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
