Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
