y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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