i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
