Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
