I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
