Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
