That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
