my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
