I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
