is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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