true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
