I just cut my nipple shaving
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
