dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
