I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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