His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
