Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
