I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
