..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
