my mouth tastes like poor choices
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
