her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
