We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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