Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
