I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
