Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
