Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
