drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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