I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
