We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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