she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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