Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
