we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
