I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
