I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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