sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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