Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
