I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
