Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Terrible idea I love it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
