i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
