i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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