I am puke
i will never coherently bang her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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