He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
