she was so not down for the gang bang
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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