I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
