oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
