I'm lost and stupid without you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
there is glitter all over my balls
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