Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
