I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
