I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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