Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
